Orchid

Patience blooms Infant tendril emanates deliberately from stump Clipped by cold lifeless metal Expectant buds house hereafter petals Cared for without obsession Her idle growth is still inside chaos Her revival a tender surprise She is resilient This is my orchid. She has shiny green new stems and buds that will produce flowers soon. I …

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More

Days sober: 377 The fear has fallen away leaving space for MORE. Living with and loving an actively using addict was maddening, soul crushing, chaos. Prison walls closing in, life a small cell. There was only room for fear. I never want to go back. On October 8, 2017 my husband celebrated one year of …

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  Sober Summer

Days Sober: 257 It is June 25, 2017. I am lying on the beach in Plum Island Massachusetts. My husband is next to me on the blue cotton quilt we have always used as a beach blanket. I look out to the jetty, it's gray and irregular rocks like long daggers, outstretched blades on either …

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Surface Lot

My husband is an addict.  Click, flame lights, tinfoil crackles, sharp inhale, lungs fill, smoke billows, brain floods, neck goes limp, pupils constrict. A man sits alone in a car in a concrete parking garage. The dome light inside of the car paints shadows across his face. Deepening the dark curved grooves beneath his eyes; …

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Cinnamon

A few things about me: my name is Taino Indian (indigenous Caribbean people of Puerto Rico living on the island when Christopher Columbus arrived and before the island was colonized) and means 'goddess of clear skies', I hate waste, especially wasting food, I love coconut, I am an avid coffee drinker, I love café con …

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On Gratitude and A Day in the Life, January 14, 2017 (from a thirty-something year old woman living in a blue state in the God-blessed USA) 

Days Sober: 97 Days left of Barack Obama presidency: 6 Loving someone who suffers from addiction is really hard. So is life. Some days I worry that we just won't survive. That life is just too damn hard, that the world is too brutal, and that the disease of addiction is too pervasive. The world …

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A Life in Images: Through Our Eyes

These are photographs taken by me and my husband. "Time as we know it was created by man." -Me "One luminary clock against the sky Proclaimed the time was neither wrong nor right." -Robert Frost "The first thing necessary for a constructive dealing with time is to learn to live in the reality of the present moment. …

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My Personal Relapse

Today I woke up feeling everything. I took the day off of work claiming sickness so I can spend the day with my sister in law who is visiting from the west coast. When I say I woke up feeling everything, it means a great weight. Although I am not really sick, I feel like …

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Reinvention

So I’m hoping today will be the beginning of the end. If this weren’t real life, I would have enough cash to wake up and decide I was going to leave him today. I would pack my bags, hire movers to ship my stuff, buy a ticket and go right back to where I just …

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