A moment in recovery 

At my husband's Vivitrol shot this morning, the Physicians Assistant (who we love by the way) asked when he would decrease his nicotine levels for vaping. He told me in the car after: "I can't believe she is asking me about my nicotine levels, 7 months ago I was smoking a pack of cigarettes a …

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Epidemic 

We have a drug problem in this country. Crisis actually. It's so bad we have labeled it an epidemic. Overdose endings becoming more and more common.  Up on the hill, sitting pretty and safe atop golden thrones, they slash budgets, taxes, and vote on repeals. Making sure their own plans read EXEMPT.  Meanwhile. Down home. …

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Puddle 

It is raining here. I am not talking about the weather. I stepped in a puddle on the dry concrete-cracked sidewalk. Turns out that puddle is actually my heart. It just melted in the world's cruel sun. Now it's boot trampled and drip-drip-dripping into city street's schism. Gaping chest, I am soaked and I am …

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How do i tell you my husband is a dope fiend? 

How do i tell you my husband is a dope fiend?  Do I say it quietly or loudly? With a gentle caress or like a harsh stinging slap to the cheek?  How do i tell you my husband is a dope fiend?  Do I write it in a note with wet curving ink-pen strokes or …

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La Frontera

I am writing to you from la frontera, the borderlands.  I live in the desert. The vultures scream above me flapping wings, blizzard of feathers, revolting in the bleak sky. The dry heat envelops, wraps its arms around me, rocking and quieting me. Sunlight blinding. Atop white hot rocky formations, the heart is barren. I …

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Addiction the Authoritarian 

"Hate the disease not the addict". -heard in a Nar-Anon meeting. Anyone who has lived with or loved an addict knows the all-consuming and unforgiving grip that addiction holds like hands around your neck, suffocating, deathly, and devastating. Anyone who is an addict (or recovering addict) also knows this. Addiction is a state of total …

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Surface Lot

My husband is an addict.  Click, flame lights, tinfoil crackles, sharp inhale, lungs fill, smoke billows, brain floods, neck goes limp, pupils constrict. A man sits alone in a car in a concrete parking garage. The dome light inside of the car paints shadows across his face. Deepening the dark curved grooves beneath his eyes; …

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Cinnamon

A few things about me: my name is Taino Indian (indigenous Caribbean people of Puerto Rico living on the island when Christopher Columbus arrived and before the island was colonized) and means 'goddess of clear skies', I hate waste, especially wasting food, I love coconut, I am an avid coffee drinker, I love café con …

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One Day at a Time: Surviving The Colonial Fist 

This post is going to be all over the place, because, well, all over the place is how I feel. Balancing, teetering, floating, rocking, falling, standing, sinking, rising, I walk upon earth, through life. One day at a time.  My husband and I celebrated some personal victories last week. He is number one in the …

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Thaw 

‪It is 59 degrees in Massachusetts. Last weekend we had two nor'easter storms that dropped about 2 feet of snow.  Melting snow flows,  liquid footsteps skipping upon rooftops, sounding waterfalls outside‬.  Reminder that  from still frozen ground,  from muddy earth, ‪Emerges life‬.  It is February in New England; that means anything could happen. Enjoying the …

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