The Trail

It has been a while since I have written. I know in early recovery this could mean many things, including bad things. It could mean relapse. My husband, by the grace of God, is still sober. In mid October, he will be one year clean.  I have not written because we have been enjoying a …

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Bike Lights

My husband and I laughed today. We laughed at the absurdity and insanity of addiction. Sometimes in recovery you must laugh. Because if you don't, you may find yourself crying all the damn time.  In California my husband speed balled. He smoked dope and meth together to create a potent high. When he did this …

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How do i tell you my husband is a dope fiend? 

How do i tell you my husband is a dope fiend?  Do I say it quietly or loudly? With a gentle caress or like a harsh stinging slap to the cheek?  How do i tell you my husband is a dope fiend?  Do I write it in a note with wet curving ink-pen strokes or …

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Surface Lot

My husband is an addict.  Click, flame lights, tinfoil crackles, sharp inhale, lungs fill, smoke billows, brain floods, neck goes limp, pupils constrict. A man sits alone in a car in a concrete parking garage. The dome light inside of the car paints shadows across his face. Deepening the dark curved grooves beneath his eyes; …

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History’s Lessons: Actions in Addiction and the Resistance Ahead

"Quote words that affirm all men and women are your brothers and sisters." -Aberjhani, The River of Winged Dreams   Days Sober: 110 When my husband was using my bones were brittle from stress, my back bent with burden, my walk labored with stress,  my mind tired from the worry, my thinking distorted by anxiety. …

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The Things Life Gives Us: Finding Meaning, Seeking Recovery 

Days Sober: 73 This is a recent piece I wrote for Stigma Fighters, a mental health non-profit organization dedicated to helping real people living with mental illness. I wrote it on my husband's 65 day sober milestone. We don’t ask for the worst things in life. My husband is an addict. His drug of choice is dope. …

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The Little (Big)Things

Days Sober: 64 My husband celebrated his 60 days sober last Friday. I am breathing, writing, and reciting affirmations. My husband is going to meetings and filling out job applications. Life slowly feels like it's settling down. I wanted to share some blessings that were delivered to me today:  My husband and I have one …

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Soul in Revolt 

The most important kind of freedom is to be what you really are. You trade in your reality for a role. You trade in your sense for an act. You give up your ability to feel, and in exchange, put on a mask. There can't be any large-scale revolution until there's a personal revolution, on …

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Shattering the Stigma at Home

  Taken from a website: Shatter the stigma, Mend the mind: Stigma limits a person's ability to: get and keep a job fit in at school without being bullied find a safe place to live attend college or university receive adequate health care (including treatment for substance use and mental health problems) and other support …

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