Sober Summer

Days Sober: 257 It is June 25, 2017. I am lying on the beach in Plum Island Massachusetts. My husband is next to me on the blue cotton quilt we have always used as a beach blanket. I look out to the jetty, it's gray and irregular rocks like long daggers, outstretched blades on either …

Continue reading   Sober Summer

Free Fall

My heart is free falling through space It feels light Airy Weightless Plummeting, spinning, somersaulting  Released from gravity's pull Like an inmate from her cell Free  Falling  I ponder how it will land I don't see bottom But I know that it's there Will it land with a thud  Will it be a crash  Or …

Continue reading Free Fall

Surface Lot

My husband is an addict.  Click, flame lights, tinfoil crackles, sharp inhale, lungs fill, smoke billows, brain floods, neck goes limp, pupils constrict. A man sits alone in a car in a concrete parking garage. The dome light inside of the car paints shadows across his face. Deepening the dark curved grooves beneath his eyes; …

Continue reading Surface Lot

One Day at a Time: Surviving The Colonial Fist 

This post is going to be all over the place, because, well, all over the place is how I feel. Balancing, teetering, floating, rocking, falling, standing, sinking, rising, I walk upon earth, through life. One day at a time.  My husband and I celebrated some personal victories last week. He is number one in the …

Continue reading One Day at a Time: Surviving The Colonial Fist 

Thaw 

‪It is 59 degrees in Massachusetts. Last weekend we had two nor'easter storms that dropped about 2 feet of snow.  Melting snow flows,  liquid footsteps skipping upon rooftops, sounding waterfalls outside‬.  Reminder that  from still frozen ground,  from muddy earth, ‪Emerges life‬.  It is February in New England; that means anything could happen. Enjoying the …

Continue reading Thaw 

Love In Recovery 

Sonnet XVII I don’t love you as if you were a rose of salt, topaz,    or arrow of carnations that propagate fire:    I love you as one loves certain obscure things,    secretly, between the shadow and the soul.  I love you as the plant that doesn’t bloom but carries    the light …

Continue reading Love In Recovery 

History’s Lessons: Actions in Addiction and the Resistance Ahead

"Quote words that affirm all men and women are your brothers and sisters." -Aberjhani, The River of Winged Dreams   Days Sober: 110 When my husband was using my bones were brittle from stress, my back bent with burden, my walk labored with stress,  my mind tired from the worry, my thinking distorted by anxiety. …

Continue reading History’s Lessons: Actions in Addiction and the Resistance Ahead

On Gratitude and A Day in the Life, January 14, 2017 (from a thirty-something year old woman living in a blue state in the God-blessed USA) 

Days Sober: 97 Days left of Barack Obama presidency: 6 Loving someone who suffers from addiction is really hard. So is life. Some days I worry that we just won't survive. That life is just too damn hard, that the world is too brutal, and that the disease of addiction is too pervasive. The world …

Continue reading On Gratitude and A Day in the Life, January 14, 2017 (from a thirty-something year old woman living in a blue state in the God-blessed USA) 

Stop Chasing

Days Sober: 92 Stop chasing the light  my love It is nothing but an illusion shimmering oasis in the unforgiving desert Stop chasing the light It is nothing but a fire that consumes burning raging  left behind an ashen mind charred building body burnt Stop chasing the light They lied- it is actually darkness that pervades …

Continue reading Stop Chasing

Stand Up

Days sober: 88  (and made it through the holidays) "Trying to help an addict is like watching someone drown in 4 feet of water and not being able to convince them that they can save themselves by just standing up". -Unknown, heard in Al-anon My husband is an addict. He was drowning.  He is a …

Continue reading Stand Up