The Trail

It has been a while since I have written. I know in early recovery this could mean many things, including bad things. It could mean relapse. My husband, by the grace of God, is still sober. In mid October, he will be one year clean.  I have not written because we have been enjoying a …

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Bike Lights

My husband and I laughed today. We laughed at the absurdity and insanity of addiction. Sometimes in recovery you must laugh. Because if you don't, you may find yourself crying all the damn time.  In California my husband speed balled. He smoked dope and meth together to create a potent high. When he did this …

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  Sober Summer

Days Sober: 257 It is June 25, 2017. I am lying on the beach in Plum Island Massachusetts. My husband is next to me on the blue cotton quilt we have always used as a beach blanket. I look out to the jetty, it's gray and irregular rocks like long daggers, outstretched blades on either …

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Free Fall

My heart is free falling through space It feels light Airy Weightless Plummeting, spinning, somersaulting  Released from gravity's pull Like an inmate from her cell Free  Falling  I ponder how it will land I don't see bottom But I know that it's there Will it land with a thud  Will it be a crash  Or …

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Surface Lot

My husband is an addict.  Click, flame lights, tinfoil crackles, sharp inhale, lungs fill, smoke billows, brain floods, neck goes limp, pupils constrict. A man sits alone in a car in a concrete parking garage. The dome light inside of the car paints shadows across his face. Deepening the dark curved grooves beneath his eyes; …

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One Day at a Time: Surviving The Colonial Fist 

This post is going to be all over the place, because, well, all over the place is how I feel. Balancing, teetering, floating, rocking, falling, standing, sinking, rising, I walk upon earth, through life. One day at a time.  My husband and I celebrated some personal victories last week. He is number one in the …

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Thaw 

‪It is 59 degrees in Massachusetts. Last weekend we had two nor'easter storms that dropped about 2 feet of snow.  Melting snow flows,  liquid footsteps skipping upon rooftops, sounding waterfalls outside‬.  Reminder that  from still frozen ground,  from muddy earth, ‪Emerges life‬.  It is February in New England; that means anything could happen. Enjoying the …

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Love In Recovery 

Sonnet XVII I don’t love you as if you were a rose of salt, topaz,    or arrow of carnations that propagate fire:    I love you as one loves certain obscure things,    secretly, between the shadow and the soul.  I love you as the plant that doesn’t bloom but carries    the light …

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History’s Lessons: Actions in Addiction and the Resistance Ahead

"Quote words that affirm all men and women are your brothers and sisters." -Aberjhani, The River of Winged Dreams   Days Sober: 110 When my husband was using my bones were brittle from stress, my back bent with burden, my walk labored with stress,  my mind tired from the worry, my thinking distorted by anxiety. …

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On Gratitude and A Day in the Life, January 14, 2017 (from a thirty-something year old woman living in a blue state in the God-blessed USA) 

Days Sober: 97 Days left of Barack Obama presidency: 6 Loving someone who suffers from addiction is really hard. So is life. Some days I worry that we just won't survive. That life is just too damn hard, that the world is too brutal, and that the disease of addiction is too pervasive. The world …

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