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Days sober: 377 The fear has fallen away leaving space for MORE. Living with and loving an actively using addict was maddening, soul crushing, chaos. Prison walls closing in, life a small cell. There was only room for fear. I never want to go back. On October 8, 2017 my husband celebrated one year of …

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Colonized Heart

My heart is in Puerto Rico. I am not starving or homeless, I am not without food and medicine, I do not overlook flooded streets, and I am not forced to drink contaminated water. While I am not suffering the physical effects of subjugation, the impact of repression on the soul is savage. My body …

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Price for Life

Artist: Albert Taino Painting: Areizaga For Puerto Rico : She fell to ground, blood red, from wild mother flamboyan. Now a tiny colonized flower grows in occupied cement crack, fragile tendrils reach up to stormy skies desperately seeking sun, resilient wind -blown petals await rain. The Flamboyan tree could be seen all over Puerto Rico. …

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The Big C

She is a friend of my mind. She gather me, man. The pieces I am, she gather them and give them back to me in all the right order.-Toni MorrisonI had to take the day off of work today. Not in the fun, play hooky, vacation way. Today was not that kind of summer day. …

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The Trail

It has been a while since I have written. I know in early recovery this could mean many things, including bad things. It could mean relapse. My husband, by the grace of God, is still sober. In mid October, he will be one year clean.  I have not written because we have been enjoying a …

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Bike Lights

My husband and I laughed today. We laughed at the absurdity and insanity of addiction. Sometimes in recovery you must laugh. Because if you don't, you may find yourself crying all the damn time.  In California my husband speed balled. He smoked dope and meth together to create a potent high. When he did this …

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  Sober Summer

Days Sober: 257 It is June 25, 2017. I am lying on the beach in Plum Island Massachusetts. My husband is next to me on the blue cotton quilt we have always used as a beach blanket. I look out to the jetty, it's gray and irregular rocks like long daggers, outstretched blades on either …

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Free Fall

My heart is free falling through space It feels light Airy Weightless Plummeting, spinning, somersaulting  Released from gravity's pull Like an inmate from her cell Free  Falling  I ponder how it will land I don't see bottom But I know that it's there Will it land with a thud  Will it be a crash  Or …

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Life in Time and Farce: a short play 

Characters: 3 people, men, women, trans, whatever you please. The Present #1, The Present #2, Back in The Day Setting: the unemployment office in the South Side. Back in the day and right now, sometime and anytime between 1995 and today.  Start scene.  The Present #1: who's that white guy over there? He looks familiar. …

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A moment in recovery 

At my husband's Vivitrol shot this morning, the Physicians Assistant (who we love by the way) asked when he would decrease his nicotine levels for vaping. He told me in the car after: "I can't believe she is asking me about my nicotine levels, 7 months ago I was smoking a pack of cigarettes a …

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