Home

My husband and I live in Lawrence, MA, one of the three cities where a series of gas explosions displaced thousands of residents last weekend. My husband is 23 months sober. Home is more than a building. It is more than a physical place. It is much more than a shelter. This is a post …

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Her Story Love in Addiction

At my last post, this orchid only had buds. Life is like my blooming orchid. Resilient flowers growing from severed stalks. I know it has been awhile, but I have not forgotten you my dear readers. Today my husband has not picked up in 589 days.  Life has been busy. A combination of regular day-to-day and …

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From Tar

Amidst an epidemic, my husband is 540 days clean from heroin. Until we have seen someone's darkness, we don't really know who they are. Until we have forgiven someone's darkness, we don't really know what love is. -Marianne Williamson This morning my husband went somewhere before work to get a space heater for his office. …

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Hope Shot

On October 12, 2016 my husband detoxed from opioids in our home. He entered rehab for 45 days after that. Today, after almost 15 years battling prescription painkiller and then heroin (is there really much of a difference?) addiction, he is 491 days sober and this past January he received a promotion after only one …

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More

Days sober: 377 The fear has fallen away leaving space for MORE. Living with and loving an actively using addict was maddening, soul crushing, chaos. Prison walls closing in, life a small cell. There was only room for fear. I never want to go back. On October 8, 2017 my husband celebrated one year of …

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Bike Lights

My husband and I laughed today. We laughed at the absurdity and insanity of addiction. Sometimes in recovery you must laugh. Because if you don't, you may find yourself crying all the damn time.  In California my husband speed balled. He smoked dope and meth together to create a potent high. When he did this …

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  Sober Summer

Days Sober: 257 It is June 25, 2017. I am lying on the beach in Plum Island Massachusetts. My husband is next to me on the blue cotton quilt we have always used as a beach blanket. I look out to the jetty, it's gray and irregular rocks like long daggers, outstretched blades on either …

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A moment in recovery 

At my husband's Vivitrol shot this morning, the Physicians Assistant (who we love by the way) asked when he would decrease his nicotine levels for vaping. He told me in the car after: "I can't believe she is asking me about my nicotine levels, 7 months ago I was smoking a pack of cigarettes a …

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Epidemic 

We have a drug problem in this country. Crisis actually. It's so bad we have labeled it an epidemic. Overdose endings becoming more and more common.  Up on the hill, sitting pretty and safe atop golden thrones, they slash budgets, taxes, and vote on repeals. Making sure their own plans read EXEMPT.  Meanwhile. Down home. …

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How do i tell you my husband is a dope fiend? 

How do i tell you my husband is a dope fiend?  Do I say it quietly or loudly? With a gentle caress or like a harsh stinging slap to the cheek?  How do i tell you my husband is a dope fiend?  Do I write it in a note with wet curving ink-pen strokes or …

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