The Big C

She is a friend of my mind. She gather me, man. The pieces I am, she gather them and give them back to me in all the right order.-Toni MorrisonI had to take the day off of work today. Not in the fun, play hooky, vacation way. Today was not that kind of summer day. …

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Bike Lights

My husband and I laughed today. We laughed at the absurdity and insanity of addiction. Sometimes in recovery you must laugh. Because if you don't, you may find yourself crying all the damn time.  In California my husband speed balled. He smoked dope and meth together to create a potent high. When he did this …

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Epidemic 

We have a drug problem in this country. Crisis actually. It's so bad we have labeled it an epidemic. Overdose endings becoming more and more common.  Up on the hill, sitting pretty and safe atop golden thrones, they slash budgets, taxes, and vote on repeals. Making sure their own plans read EXEMPT.  Meanwhile. Down home. …

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Surface Lot

My husband is an addict.  Click, flame lights, tinfoil crackles, sharp inhale, lungs fill, smoke billows, brain floods, neck goes limp, pupils constrict. A man sits alone in a car in a concrete parking garage. The dome light inside of the car paints shadows across his face. Deepening the dark curved grooves beneath his eyes; …

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One Day at a Time: Surviving The Colonial Fist 

This post is going to be all over the place, because, well, all over the place is how I feel. Balancing, teetering, floating, rocking, falling, standing, sinking, rising, I walk upon earth, through life. One day at a time.  My husband and I celebrated some personal victories last week. He is number one in the …

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History’s Lessons: Actions in Addiction and the Resistance Ahead

"Quote words that affirm all men and women are your brothers and sisters." -Aberjhani, The River of Winged Dreams   Days Sober: 110 When my husband was using my bones were brittle from stress, my back bent with burden, my walk labored with stress,  my mind tired from the worry, my thinking distorted by anxiety. …

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On Gratitude and A Day in the Life, January 14, 2017 (from a thirty-something year old woman living in a blue state in the God-blessed USA) 

Days Sober: 97 Days left of Barack Obama presidency: 6 Loving someone who suffers from addiction is really hard. So is life. Some days I worry that we just won't survive. That life is just too damn hard, that the world is too brutal, and that the disease of addiction is too pervasive. The world …

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Stop Chasing

Days Sober: 92 Stop chasing the light  my love It is nothing but an illusion shimmering oasis in the unforgiving desert Stop chasing the light It is nothing but a fire that consumes burning raging  left behind an ashen mind charred building body burnt Stop chasing the light They lied- it is actually darkness that pervades …

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The Things Life Gives Us: Finding Meaning, Seeking Recovery 

Days Sober: 73 This is a recent piece I wrote for Stigma Fighters, a mental health non-profit organization dedicated to helping real people living with mental illness. I wrote it on my husband's 65 day sober milestone. We don’t ask for the worst things in life. My husband is an addict. His drug of choice is dope. …

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The Little (Big)Things

Days Sober: 64 My husband celebrated his 60 days sober last Friday. I am breathing, writing, and reciting affirmations. My husband is going to meetings and filling out job applications. Life slowly feels like it's settling down. I wanted to share some blessings that were delivered to me today:  My husband and I have one …

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