Fall

I wrote this on the Saturday Brett Kavanaugh was confirmed for his position on the Supreme Court. My husband and I hiked in the White Mountains of New Hampshire today. I thought I might fall. I climbed the mountain on fire, her trees changing leaves burned red, yellow, and orange around me. My footing on …

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Home

My husband and I live in Lawrence, MA, one of the three cities where a series of gas explosions displaced thousands of residents last weekend. My husband is 23 months sober. Home is more than a building. It is more than a physical place. It is much more than a shelter. This is a post …

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Her Story Love in Addiction

At my last post, this orchid only had buds. Life is like my blooming orchid. Resilient flowers growing from severed stalks. I know it has been awhile, but I have not forgotten you my dear readers. Today my husband has not picked up in 589 days.  Life has been busy. A combination of regular day-to-day and …

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From Tar

Amidst an epidemic, my husband is 540 days clean from heroin. Until we have seen someone's darkness, we don't really know who they are. Until we have forgiven someone's darkness, we don't really know what love is. -Marianne Williamson This morning my husband went somewhere before work to get a space heater for his office. …

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Orchid

Patience blooms Infant tendril emanates deliberately from stump Clipped by cold lifeless metal Expectant buds house hereafter petals Cared for without obsession Her idle growth is still inside chaos Her revival a tender surprise She is resilient This is my orchid. She has shiny green new stems and buds that will produce flowers soon. I …

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Hope Shot

On October 12, 2016 my husband detoxed from opioids in our home. He entered rehab for 45 days after that. Today, after almost 15 years battling prescription painkiller and then heroin (is there really much of a difference?) addiction, he is 491 days sober and this past January he received a promotion after only one …

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Death Valley

Bloodied knees of mother Scrape two jointed bones on gritty ground. Cradled in arms, and upon earthly bosom, the infant rests unmoving at her breast. Words spill from beaded lips inside water droplets mothers muttered prayers. Into rivers wide mouth, she releases to rushing rapids Her son. Last light from moon slivered beam dagger, stalks …

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Eternal Goodbye

It's never too late. Until it is. Words from my husband in quotations. "The game has changed." Fentanyl has changed the opioid epidemic. We are now facing an overdose epidemic with devastating and deadly reach. The potency of fentanyl creates through-the-roof tolerances, and intensifies the brains dependence on dope. It's also a killer. "In the …

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White Christmas

Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening -By Robert Frost Whose woods these are I think I know. His house is in the village though; He will not see me stopping here To watch his woods fill up with snow. My little horse must think it queer To stop without a farmhouse near Between the …

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More

Days sober: 377 The fear has fallen away leaving space for MORE. Living with and loving an actively using addict was maddening, soul crushing, chaos. Prison walls closing in, life a small cell. There was only room for fear. I never want to go back. On October 8, 2017 my husband celebrated one year of …

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