This post is going to be all over the place, because, well, all over the place is how I feel. Balancing, teetering, floating, rocking, falling, standing, sinking, rising, I walk upon earth, through life. One day at a time.
My husband and I celebrated some personal victories last week. He is number one in the office in only his second month at his new job. He received a security clearance from the federal government that will ensure he keep his job and can continue working. We were worried about the clearance because it required a criminal background check. Like many addicts, he has had trouble with the law. He has some non violent charges and arrests on his record involving possession of narcotics, DUI, and loitering spanning back over 15 years. We were preparing for a blow, but instead we were handed a gift. Gratitude. One day at a time.
Last week I also had my annual appraisal at work. I work as a pediatric speech-language pathologist in the outpatient rehab of a hospital. The review was amazing with positive feedback from my supervisor and I was given new opportunities for growth and development moving forward in my career there. Thankful. One day at a time.
It was a good week for us. We celebrated a life once leveled by addiction; now being rebuilt in sobriety and recovery. Today my husband is 148 days sober.
Meanwhile the world is going to hell in a handbag. One day at a time.
I am working on balance. I am trying to allow myself to be joyful. It is difficult and I often feel tired. I am trying not to let the troubling news of raids, detention centers, deportation, vouchers, pipelines, humans rights abuses, school choice, walls, methane emissions, nationalism, police brutality, (getting rid of) free lunch for poor children, private prisons, checkpoints, bathrooms, racial profiling, militarized police, and (lack of) protection of children rip me apart. The voice in my head gestures: balance. I am trying to focus on work, excercise regularly, and get enough sleep. The voice in my head whispers: balance. I am refusing to become apathetic and complacent. The voice in my head speaks: balance. I am remaining grateful for recovery. The voice in my head screams: balance. I am resisting. I am teetering, emotionally, I admit. But I’m balancing. I’m living one day at a time. So is my husband.
I wrote this poem in response to the evacuation of the water protectors at Oceti Sakowin camp at Standing Rock. Heartbreak. One day at a time.
In its tight colonial fist,
thirsty hearts of children, women, and men.
Flames erupt into black sky
Sky descends to tipis,
in a forgiving embrace,
etching jagged skyline.
smoke rises in a warrior dance to
beating drums that pound
in flesh chest.
Blood flow ceases,
in tight fists
White lifeless knuckles,
squeezing sacred life.
Dry eyes and stone heart
wrings limp wet rag,
hung upon frozen branch
Left to the wild hands of the wind
Swaying from a tree
Water dripping from clenched fisted fingers
Pours dry ashes
Fills empty creeks
The liar preaches to militarized congregation
In line formation,
rifles and tear gas perched upon bibles
The liar preaches violence
His ash cross marks foreheads,
hypocrisy’s thin cold stare gazes upon sameness
His back bent in false prayer
Kneels upon indigenous backs
smiling lips arched
to drink thick black wine
Dripping from cruel cracked lips
Staining parched earth
Robe pockets swollen and
In its tight colonial fist,
This is a blog about addiction (life, love, relationships, self) so just a thought: Energy Transfer Partners (company building the Dakota Access pipeline) CEO Kelcy Warren has an estimated worth of 4.2 billion. The DAPL will put a lot more more money into his pockets. When when when is it enough? I feel like screaming! This level of greed another manifestation of addiction, an unrelenting desire and unquenchable thirst for money and power. Addicts (and their loved ones) know, addiction destroys everything in its path leaving terror and devastation in its wake. This addiction’s wreckage a moral debasement and corruption of self along with the violent subjugation of others.
In my balancing act I behold this act of depravity. I remember the past. I study history. I carry this history with me as I bear witness to the present. One day at a time.
Resist. One day at a time. Endure. One day at a time. Balance. One day at a time. Fight. One day at a time. Study. One day at a time. Love. One day at a time. The soul wants what it wants I guess. Freedom, safety, equity, compassion, respect, health, dignity. RECOVERY. One day at a time.
Look what I’m doing:
You can too!!
#Indigenous Lives Matter. #Black Lives Matter. #Brown Lives Matter. #FightAddiction
Peace out there.