Love In Recovery 

Sonnet XVII

I don’t love you as if you were a rose of salt, topaz,   

or arrow of carnations that propagate fire:   
I love you as one loves certain obscure things,   

secretly, between the shadow and the soul. 

I love you as the plant that doesn’t bloom but carries   
the light of those flowers, hidden, within itself,   

and thanks to your love the tight aroma that arose   

from the earth lives dimly in my body. 

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where,   
I love you directly without problems or pride: 

I love you like this because I don’t know any other way to love, 

except in this form in which I am not nor are you,   

so close that your hand upon my chest is mine,   

so close that your eyes close with my dreams.

-Pablo Neruda 

My husband has been sober for 132 days.

I have never cared much about Valentines Day. Nonetheless this is my Valentines Day post in honor of love. The old love I am rediscovering and the new love I am realizing. This is the love Neruda talks about, the one that exists between the shadows and soul. The obscure love. Imperfect, difficult, and beautiful. The love I am experiencing in recovery. 

Love in recovery is the little (big) things

Love in recovery is my husband being home asleep when I wake up in the middle of the night

Love in recovery is big (aka normal size) pupils

Love in recovery is making it through dinner in a restaurant without any “bathroom breaks”

Love in recovery is waking up in the morning 

Love in recovery is not worrying if my husband will wake up in the morning 

Love in recovery is no longer finding drug paraphernalia in the house and car 

Love in recovery is truth telling 

Love in recovery is building trust 

Love in recovery is believing my husband’s words

Love in recovery is food shopping together 

Love in recovery is not running out of tinfoil 

Love in recovery is making it through a movie without “bathroom breaks” 

Love in recovery is drinking coffee together in the morning 

Love in recovery is my husband going to work 

Love in recovery is not worrying about my husband when I am at work 

Love in recovery is without fear of unknown phone calls, jail, overdose, and death 

Love in recovery is my husband going to meetings 

Love in recovery is taking care of myself 

Love in recovery is having conversations 

Love in recovery is listening 

Love in recovery is speaking openly 

Love in recovery is my husband wanting to go on dates 

Love in recovery is my husband consistently scooping the cat litter 

Love in recovery is my husband getting excited about buying a new rug 

Love in recovery is thinking about others 

Love in recovery is making it to family functions 

Love in recovery is no more disappearances for hours at a time without explanation 

Love in recovery is clear skin

Love in recovery is weight gain 

Love in recovery is not fighting about using 

Love in recovery is fighting about other things 

Love in recovery is without excuses 

Love in recovery is without bargaining 

Love in recovery is service to others 

Love in recovery is without pick ups from jail 

Love in recovery is imperfect 

Love in recovery is relying on my husband 

Love in recovery is truth. Love in recovery is less fear. Love in recovery is letting go. Love in recovery is compassion and empathy. Love in recovery is hard. Love in recovery is life. Pure life. 

Happy Valentines Day 

Our Wedding Day




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10 thoughts on “Love In Recovery 

  1. Congrats to your husband on another day clean and sober.

    You had me at poetry. I love that stuff. That Neruda pull is brilliant. That line “your eyes close to my dreams” is 4th dimension stuff. And then you follow it with your own ditty about love in recovery, and for your husband, and for the imperfect process.

    Man, I enjoyed this post! Thank you for writing and sharing from the heart!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thanks Mark! Yes my father actually read that poem at our wedding in Spanish. I love Neruda so much, and I have read that poem over and over again, it’s like the words morph and grow becoming more beautiful and meaningful each time. His poetry gives endlessly.

      Glad you enjoyed the post…I keep saying it, but I keep feeling it, I am just so damn grateful for recovery, no matter how messy and imperfect.
      Have a great day!

      Liked by 1 person

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