Days left of Barack Obama presidency: 6
Loving someone who suffers from addiction is really hard. So is life. Some days I worry that we just won’t survive. That life is just too damn hard, that the world is too brutal, and that the disease of addiction is too pervasive. The world comes down like a hammer, pounding, BOOM BOOM BOOM. It can be relentless. There are good days and bad; hard ones and easy ones. I am learning that we have resilience, I am discovering hope. I am saying yes to compassion and empathy. I am saying no to addiction and hatred. I am finding my inner “gratitude gangster”.
Some Thoughts On Life (the hammer hits):
I am paying 5 student loans.
I have thousands of dollars in medical bills/debt.
I have thousands of dollars in credit card debt.
Our rent just went up for next years lease.
(The gratitude is coming-hang in there)
Donald Trump is the future president of the United States.
I have no idea what is in store for civil rights, for human rights, but it isn’t looking good.
War seems inevitable.
Nuclear warfare seems plausible.
Climate change is real, I wish I could deny it.
(I promise the gratitude is coming).
My husband suffers from opioid addiction.
I am worried about the way congress voted on healthcare a few days ago. One of my worries, among many, is related to the fact that substance abuse disorders are considered a pre-existing condition. So is pregnancy. (WTF!!)
It seems like the middle class always get screwed and ends up paying, but I’m broke.
I am freaking sick of mass incarceration.
On repeal: I am worried about the millions of Americans who will lose access to healthcare.
On replace: I am worried about the millions of Americans who will lose access to healthcare.
I think it will end up costing all of us-and I’m not just talking money.
Some Thoughts On Gratitude (I am so gangster):
Less than 6 months ago my husband was killing himself using fentanyl and heroin daily. I feared death. Today he is 97 days sober.
Just a few months ago, while I was at work, my husband was going down to a trail to buy drugs from homeless crack addicts riding bikes supplied by a drug dealer up in the cut in the woods (more on that later). This week he got his first pay check from his new job.
This morning my husband went to a meeting.
I came out of anonymity on this blog with the support of an amazing blogger/recovery community. I am fighting stigma and I feel more empowered than ever.
I am wearing cashmere pants-they are really comfortable and soft.
I am healthy.
I am drinking really good Guatemalan coffee.
We live on the 6th floor on the sun facing side of the building, so we barely turn on the heat when it’s cold, saving money end electricity.
My husband got his second Vivitrol shot this week.
It’s easy for me to stay sober in solidarity with my husband.
I have a really good job.
We found a new amazing Ramen spot on Wednesday. I love Ramen.
I have a place to live.
My pets are the bomb.
I have enough food to eat.
I have a family who loves me.
I have a husband who is in RECOVERY from opioid addiction.
I am saying YES to gratitude. I am grateful as hell, today my husband is 97 days sober.
As for the rest of it, one day at a time, always together, we will get through this, one way or another.
We are in this together everyone, don’t forget that.
My husband just arrived home and shared a story from his meeting of a young boy who was bullied. On his way home from school, a group of children taunted him, knocking all of his books over. A stranger on the street helped him to pick them up and walked him home. They ended up forging a friendship. Years later the boy revealed that he was carrying that stack of books because he had cleared out his locker that day with a plan to go home and commit suicide. Because of that stranger, he decided against it and chose life.
WE MUST LIFT EACH OTHER UP. ALWAYS. YES WE CAN.
*Image credit: the internet.*