Stop Chasing

Days Sober: 92

Stop chasing the light 

my love

It is nothing but an illusion

shimmering oasis in the unforgiving desert

Stop chasing the light

It is nothing but a

fire that consumes

burning

raging 

left behind an ashen mind

charred building

body burnt

Stop chasing the light

They lied-

it is actually

darkness that pervades

then empties

confusion sets in when

you are abandoned with only an empty soul held in your limp hands

Stop chasing the light

It isn’t a party

and only wreaks havoc

thieving

criminal 

nothing but savage violence

brutality and desperation 

Stop chasing the light

Stop running to—

from—

the light

because if you look around

You will see 

my love

that you are in the light right now

You are the light 

My husband has been sober for 92 days. I can not live in fear, but I know the demon is still hiding in the shadows impersonating the light. Relapse is real. Relapse is scary. Relapse with opioids has a high chance of overdose. Tonight my husband went to a meeting. Saturday we celebrated 90 days. Tomorrow we will both go to work. Wednesday he will be getting his second Vivitrol shot. Every day we will remain vigilant.

We are learning about relapse prevention, and what to do if it (gulp, scream, pull hair, fists in the air, cry!) happens. In a post soon I will share what I have learned. 

To the demon: don’t even fucking try it. And if you do– we will be ready.  

Peace.

NYE 2017

This song is dedicated to my husband.

 

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