Still Here in 2017

Days sober: 81 Since my husband returned from rehab four weeks ago, 2 young men he was in with have died from drug overdoses. My heart is heavy thinking of the ones that have left us too early, their deaths leaving behind them a trail of sorrow; parents left childless, children left without a mother …

All I Want for Christmas

This is a rock my husband carries with him. It was given to him in rehab by a man who is 30 years clean. This man also has a rock that was given to him in early recovery by another recovering addict. He has kept the rock with with him through his 30 years of …

The Things Life Gives Us: Finding Meaning, Seeking Recovery

Days Sober: 73 This is a recent piece I wrote for Stigma Fighters, a mental health non-profit organization dedicated to helping real people living with mental illness. I wrote it on my husband's 65 day sober milestone. We don’t ask for the worst things in life. My husband is an addict. His drug of choice is dope. …

Shot

This week, on a very gray and slushy Monday in Massachusetts, I went with my husband to an appointment where he received a Vivitrol shot. Vivitrol is an injectable form of a medication called naltrexone. It lasts for 30 days.  Naltrexone (Vivitrol)  is a newer medication available for treatment of opiate and alcohol addiction. It …

The Little (Big)Things

Days Sober: 64 My husband celebrated his 60 days sober last Friday. I am breathing, writing, and reciting affirmations. My husband is going to meetings and filling out job applications. Life slowly feels like it's settling down. I wanted to share some blessings that were delivered to me today:  My husband and I have one …

Here We Are (Not)

Here We Are It is Friday. I have spent days mentally preparing for my husband's return. I pick him up from the airport. Today is his first day back from rehab in Florida. He is tan, his eyes are clear, and the scars on his hands and arms have faded. We talk the whole way home …

Soul in Revolt

The most important kind of freedom is to be what you really are. You trade in your reality for a role. You trade in your sense for an act. You give up your ability to feel, and in exchange, put on a mask. There can't be any large-scale revolution until there's a personal revolution, on …

Affirmations

Codependency is a bitch. So is addiction.  Today my husband returns from rehab. I told my therapist how terrified I am of relapse. Of overdose. She reminded me not to abandon myself, to continue practicing self love. She told me to take life one day at a time. She taught me the serenity prayer. She …

Unknown

You've seen my descent.  Now watch my rising.  -Rumi  Blackout Day 29 Treatment Day 44 My husband comes home from rehab tomorrow. On the phone he told me: "this will be one of our best weekends in years". It's because he will be sober. The tears filled my eyes, they warmed my heart, they poured …

Building Bridges in Addiction

Lately I have been reading lists. When the world feels crazy, dark, and wicked, and when you don't even know where to begin in enacting change, lists can be quite useful. Otherwise I end up like a mad banshee, howling at the sky,  and running around in frenzied circles. In the US political arena there …