Thanksgiving Gratitude 

Blackout-day 21 Rehab-day 35 My husband has been gone for 35 days. Blackout has turned to brownout like the flickering of lights with 12 minute phone calls every few days. He has been gone for 35 days, but it feels like a lifetime. The world has changed something inside of me, making healing hard. He …

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A Child’s Lesson

I am a speech therapist who works with children. During a session this week,  I drew this picture in order to explain perspective taking to a 4 year old girl with social communication difficulties secondary to Autism Spectrum Disorder. The picture was meant to assist in teaching her how to interact with others (listen, communicate, express), how …

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RANT-Divided Nation

We are a nation divided. I was on Facebook yesterday and I came across a vile and repugnant post written by ----related to his support of Trump. I must be going through the "anger" part of my grief because his words created a visceral response in me that I can not ignore. A response of pure see-red …

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The Beating

 Blackout-Day 14, Treatment-Day 28 I long for cold. I long for winter. Everyone loves the beautiful mild November days that we are experiencing here in Massachusetts. Not me. They are a reminder of a warmth that I do not feel. They remind me of energy and activity depleted. No, I am yearning for hibernation. And …

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Inertia

Today. My husband has been in rehab for 10 days. I lay in wait in nebulous isolation. The isolation a paradoxical state. Outside the world is on fire, inside my husband is healing, outside I am here grieving MY past, THE present, and THE WORLD'S future. Inside I am celebrating my husband's recovery, outside I am distracted by the world's …

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Unraveling

This is a photo I took visiting the Boston Holocaust memorial with my husband before he went to rehab. I remember telling him that we need to be mindful of history.  The present is a violent place with the election of Trump and a surge in hate crimes. The future is a shadowy place with …

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A Plea For Empathy

"You cant even call this shit a war." "Why not?" "Wars end." -On the War on Drugs from the HBO show The Wire I started this post before Election Day in the US. I now share this post from a place of immense sadness and devastation. My country has shamefully displayed a face of hatred …

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Season of Blackout-Letting Go

He's gone. My texts have gone from blue to green. I am alone. Holding on. It is the season of blackout. I had 12 hours with him. Holding on. A strained 12 hours, leaving me with the metallic taste of disappointment. Expectation will do that to you. He was released from his partial hospitalization program …

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“Letters” from Rehab

Texts from my husband since he has been in. He is now in "blackout" in a residential rehab in Florida (limited to no contact, no phone)  I didn't edit any typos. Warning-there are some curse words. DAY 1 Bubbie - love you .... Place is great - already talking with doc about meds - psych tomorrow - …

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