It All Started with a Text

Yesterday I received this from my husband in a text message: Love you - I really do - I want things to get better between us ... I don't want to feel this disconnect anymore. I know we can get past this and I know it all starts with me.....seeing those text messages really hurt …

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My Personal Relapse

Today I woke up feeling everything. I took the day off of work claiming sickness so I can spend the day with my sister in law who is visiting from the west coast. When I say I woke up feeling everything, it means a great weight. Although I am not really sick, I feel like …

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A Friend of a Friend

I was browsing Facebook yesterday when I came to a post from an old high school acquaintance about her struggles with heroin addiction.  I clicked on her page, classic FB stalker style, to see how she is doing. After some considerable time stalking her page, I came to a series of posts on her FB …

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20 Ways to Live with ICD-9-CM: 300.14, 300.15

Much of this resonates for me living with and loving my husband who suffers from addiction and PTSD. Checklist a helpful reminder of ways to stay healthy and love myself through the difficult times.

Art by Rob Goldstein

An abstract street shot that depicts a man who appears to be vanishing Vanishing Act

What is life like for someone who lives with and loves a man who is symptomatic with severe Dissociative Identity Disorder? (ICD 9 code 300.14,  300.15)?

My partner and I had a frank conversation about the stress of  living with me after a joint session with my therapist.

Kaiser’s refusal to provide a treatment protocol based on the accepted paradigms for the treatment of DID that any layman will find by doing a casual search with Google has made his life with me more difficult and frightening than it has to  be.

My lack of memory and the fear provoked by descriptions of incidents I can’t remember is “triggering ” and causes a switch.

I cannot describe what I cannot remember.

Were Kaiser doing its job my partner would receive a weekly call from my case manager so she could understand the true scope of the illness…

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Dream and Fiction

This writing was inspired by a dream I had last night. And by my life. I walk alone in the old city. I walk past the immense still factories, abandoned and lifeless. I walk past black boarded up windows. I know he is here somewhere. I walk past the colorful graffiti splattered walls. I walk …

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It Feels Like the End

  This past week I have been spending time cultivating my new practices in self-love. The healing elixir is brewing in my cauldron and the ingredients I slowly mix into the pot are therapy, yoga, meditation, writing, the healing powers of food, and travel. I reached out to my best friend and we began making …

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The Love Only Comes When He’s High

The love only comes when he’s high It comes in bursts of light It comes like fireworks exploding from his heart It comes in manic streams of words spilling from his dry lips It comes radiating from black pinned pupils The love only comes when he’s high It comes like an oasis in the desert It …

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Turns out CB=Cash Back

This morning is my first Friday off in my new 4/10 schedule. That means I now work four 10 hour days rather than the typical five day work week. Oh the bliss of the perpetual three day weekend! No more feeling like I can’t get everything done and have fun or get some relaxation in on …

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Quantum Mechanics: Our New Ally

Quantum mechanics is on my side because according to QM there is no set past, present, or future. There is no you and no me. We have infinite potentials and can be everywhere and nowhere at the same time.  We are matter, energy, particles, and wave forms.  Our consciousness forms us. There is a biology of …

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Come Back to Me My Love

I watch my love in his slow descent. I observe as the twinkle in his green eyes fades. The marks appear on his smooth tan skin and his eyes hollow. His skin becomes a pallid pale color, reminding me of sickness. The behaviors change too. The shifting eye gaze, infinite to do lists, sleepless nights, …

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